I can kick higher than you can kick

I took Tae Kwon Do when I was 12. I chose this martial arts form because it was the cheapest and my parents instilled in me that saving money was more important than picking a martial arts that better suited me. I lasted a few years until my desire to stay at home during the week night to watch "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" overcame my desire to whoop some ass.

When I was in college, I wanted to get in shape so I took Goju Ryu from Sensei Chinen, the only guy to ever make Chuck Norris cry. Sensei Chinen was so awesome that he recognized my skillz early on, and therefore, relentlessly picked on me. The one lesson I will always remember is this: just because I think I'm bad ass doesn't mean I really am.

You know what's also a good lesson? Taking martial arts doesn't mean you know how to fight. I know a few people who have taken martial arts for the better part of a decade. Yeah, they have great confidence and great form technique, but let's face it, what they know is confined by the rules of tournament combat.

In a real world fight, there's no ref to signal a stop. There's not rules of combat. Just the desire to survive. That's why if Chuck Norris hid a rock of meth in his butt crack, Crystal-Meth Tweaker > Chuck Norris.